April 2019: This post has been updated.
I Pre-Plated My Kids’ Meals
I confess. I was a food plater.
In my early years as a mom, I made healthy meals– selecting, cutting, portioning, plating, pouring and serving all of our family meals to my kids.
In other words, I used pre-plated meals as a way to feel in control of my children’s eating.
As such, I wasn’t helping my kids become independent, intuitive or confident with eating using this approach. And that was getting in the way of really raising a healthy eater.
Now, I’m a reformed pre-plater of food.
What are Family-Style Meals?
Family-style meals are simply mealtimes where all the food items in the meal are placed in the center of the table. Family members pass items around the table from one to another, selecting food items and serving themselves.
How Family-Style Meals Helped Us
When my four children were 4, 6, 7, and 9 years, I made the switch to family-style meals, and I’ve never looked back.
I’ll never forget my middle daughter’s statement after a week of serving meals our new way,
“Mom, are we going to have a smorgasbord every night?!”
My kids loved it. And despite my later start, they’ve all turned out to be “normal” eaters, from my standpoint.
Of course, they each have their food preferences and their dislikes. Sometimes they love dinner and eat a lot, and sometimes they don’t.
Best of all, they tolerate the company of a variety of foods on the table, whether they choose to eat them or not.
I’m sharing some highlights with you here:
5 Things I Know About Pre-Plating Food
1. Plated meals are based in habits, fear, or a desire to control
Sure, it’s easy and efficient to pre-plate food, get it on the table and cleaned up. If you had your food plated as a child, this may be the only way you know how to do it.
But, there are other ways.
Family-style meals puts your child in charge of selecting which foods he will eat, and how much. In contrast, pre-plating does little to teach your child how to make good food choices or how much to eat based on appetite.
2. Pre-plated food puts the food decisions in your hands, not your kids’
When you make these food decisions for your child, you rob them the experience of learning to listen to their appetite, navigating what makes up a healthy meal, and practicing balance in eating.
Family-style meals, on the other hand, allow kids to see the variety of meal components (a representation of all food groups, preferably) and gives them autonomy with food selection.
3. Parents often over-estimate portion sizes
It’s true. Because portions are so distorted nowadays, you may over-serve your child, offering adult-size portions without even knowing it. Your child may get accustomed to eating larger amounts of food.
Rather, family-style meals allow a child to figure out how much food is the right amount for his body.
4. Pre-plating food may stimulate friction at the table
When you’ve pre-plated a meal for your child, you become invested in how much your child eats. When your child doesn’t comply, the urge to remind, pressure or threaten your child to eat what’s on the plate may result in a battle of wills with your child.
And parents usually lose in the long run.
Family-style meals offer a more relaxed atmosphere and minimizes friction as long as you maintain Satter’s Division of Responsibility and an authoritative feeding style.
5. Pre-plating food may set up impossible expectations
Children can be overwhelmed when faced with a plate full of food, foreign or not. If food items are new, or difficult to identify, then your child’s stress and anxiety can build up.
A timid or cautious personality faced with new food, and lots of it, can retreat—with his mouth closed.
And, let’s not forget the sense of failure you may feel when your child rejects the meal you’ve worked so hard on.
If meals are difficult in your household, maybe it’s time to try a new approach. Yes, it takes some trust or maybe even a leap of faith to completely change your feeding style.
You might need to change your mindset, as well.
But it really isn’t that hard to experiment with family-style feeding. You may even give up “food plating.”
What have you got to lose? After all, you can teach an old dog new tricks—I’m living proof.
Do you pre-plate food? Or are you a supporter of family-style meals?
Need More Help?
My workbook, Try New Food: How to Help Picky Eaters Taste, Eat & Like New Foods is a thorough guidebook to help your child branch out with new foods. Using my systematic, step-by-step approach, you’ll be helping your child try new foods in no time!
Written by: Jill Castle, MS, RDN
Published on: April 13, 2019
Updated on: May 8, 2019